OK, this may not be suitable for everyone. It’s PG-13 and if you don’t like to talk about bodily odors, then skip to the next article…but after several recent trips around the world on airplanes, I have to speak up! Flying stinks! Literally, it stinks! But, I have a bit of a cure thanks to my brilliant bride, so keep reading to the end!
Yes, flying stinks! On a recent trip to a large continent, I was flying alongside several nationals. Yes, I know that our cultures are different and I do appreciate how all of us are different and we should revel in our differences… to a point. But when it comes to smell, it’s often hard to adjust. The dear man who sat down next to me had a obvious aversion to deodorant, body spray, cologne and perhaps bathing…. Hey, don’t judge me, I said that I understand cultural differences, but unfortunately, my nose does not! It was hard for me to bear the funky fragrance and by the grace of God, an aisle seat became available nearby and I quickly took advantage of it. (I didn’t make it obvious, just that I wanted an aisle seat!) I could still smell the lingering odor of my friend down the aisle, but it wasn’t quite as pungent a few rows away. Fortunately, the lady who was sitting on the other side of him was sleeping, or perhaps she had fainted, I’m not sure!
Then, as on all flights, there’s the issue of pressure and it’s unfortunate result on the human body. One of the top pet peeves for every flight attendant is, yes, you guessed it… flatulence! Yes my friend, gas-passing, the cutting of the cheese, farting… whatever you may call it. I was recently returning from another international flight and about an hour into the flight, I thought someone had passed away. They certainly passed something all right. It was truly tear jerking! Seriously folks, get up and head to the head! Wow! Really! And it went on for the next hour. While I couldn’t hone in on the exact location of the potent putridity, though I think it was the loud, large lady in front of me, it was certainly nearby. (And like most of us, we just hope that no one else on the plane thinks it’s you!) Anyway, the flight attendant walked by with quite a bit of perfume on and it helped a lot. She may have even inconspicuously sprayed something, I don’t know.
Finally, though not as bad as the previous two “stanks” is the tasteless but odiferous food that is served in coach. While most of the usual cheesy chicken and putrid pasta dishes taste terrible, their smell permeates the cabin for hours. And God forbid, as I had the privilege a few months ago, you are flying in India where Curry is King!
So, what’s the answer to this predicament aside from not flying at all? Well, my bride has a great idea that I need to follow more often and that I would commend to you. She carry’s one of those three-sided soft head rests that have a cloth cover that can be washed and… you can put a fabric softener sheet inside! Yes my friends, the life saving fragrance of the cuddly soft Snuggle bear, the beautiful bouquet of Bounce. It can save your life.
Why you say, would I devote an entire blog article to smelly planes?? You weren’t there!